Beautiful Disaster
by avetave12
Summary: Songfic to Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson.


We crossed paths in the hall way every single day, yet I didn't know a single thing about him.

His midnight black hair fell over his eyes every time we passed, hiding him away from the rest of the world. I only saw his striking blue eyes once. They shone with shocking brightness. One day, I don't know how it happened, I fell in love with him, Shane Gray.

The day he spoke to me was a crazy one, and it changed my life. He strode by me, as usual, but this time, weirdly, he stopped. "Hey, you're Mitchie, right?" he asked me smoothly, smiling crookedly.

"Um, yeah, and you're Shane?" My reply was not nearly as easy as his question. I stuttered over every word. He looked me up and down, and swung his unruly bangs from his eyes.

"Cool. Nice jeans." I gasped at the intensity of his ocean eyes. They were so deep, full of secrets. I couldn't form coherent words, so I just nodded and stiffly turned to go to class.

I felt him watching me as I power-walked to Math, but I forced myself not to look back. The next day, he paused by my locker again. "So, Mitchie," he began. "What's your number?" The question was so straight forward.

"555-0084," I answered automatically. My mind was spinning.

"Cool. I'll call you," Shane smiled at me, and walked away. My heart thumped unevenly in my chest.

That was when I officially knew. I was in love with the serious, mysterious boy named Shane Greene. That night, my phone rang, and I almost fell out of my chair. "Hello?" I answered shakily.

"Hey Mitchie, it's me, Shane." Oh my gosh, I thought. "Hi, what's up?" It was surprising how blasé my voice sounded. This had all happened so quickly. We went from simple glances to late night phone calls. My biggest dream, and my worst nightmare.

"Do you wanna hang out at my place tonight? We could watch some movies." He seemed almost excited, maybe even nervous.

"Sure... But, um, Shane?" I had to ask. I had to!

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Why? I mean, just a few days ago, we had never spoken a word to each other, and now, you want me to come to your house? What happened?" It all rushed out of me, so fast that I didn't know if he could understand.

"I snapped. I'd liked you for a while. You seemed so different. But I had never talked to you, so I thought it would be weird. Then, I decided that I didn't care. I had to try, right?" There was no fear in Shane's voice, just facts.

"Oh. Okay. See you...?" I was stunned. All I could do was mumble, not even thinking.

"At eight. See ya," he said, and then hung up.

I had just agreed to go watch movies with Shane. Something needed to be done. I ran to the bathroom and stared in the mirror. It was makeup time. After I was satisfied with my appearance, I grabbed my bag and sprinted to the door. "Mom? I'm going to hang out with... A friend. I'll be back by eleven!" I shouted.

"Okay," my mom yelled back. And then I was out the door. I had known Shane's address for a while, occasionally driving by his house. I hopped into the volvo, and drove to his average suburban house. I took my time unbuckling my seat belt, stepping out of the car, and tripping up the driveway. When I finally made it to the door, someone opened it before I could knock.

"Hey," I said. Shane looked at me, and smiled that amazing smile.

"Come on in, I've got a bunch of movies." I followed him inside, glancing at the clean house. It wasn't messy or unique like I had thought. We mad our way down the hallway, where he opened a large door. "This is my room," he said. "The DVD player is in here." Inside, I was freaking out. I was about to be in Shane Greene's bedroom. He went over to the bed and sat down. I did the same. The bed seemed way too small, even though it was King Sized. He pulled out a huge stack of movies. Just as he was about to lay them out, a red-faced, overweight man flung open the door.

"SHANE!" He boomed. "WHEN DID I SAY YOU COULD HAVE A GIRL OVER?" His eyes were cloudy and bulging. His words were slurred, and he was drunk.

"D-dad, I thought that... I meant... But..." For the first time, Shane sounded scared. If it was even possible, his father's face became redder, and he closed his eyes, walking over to the bed. Shane's eyes were wide with fear. I looked around, confused. Why was Shane so scared of his dad?

As if to answer me, his dad opened his eyes, and did something that I would have never imagined. He pulled his arm back, closing his hand into a fist, and swung with immense pressure. I froze. The punch hit Shane's face with a loud crack, and I screamed. His dad just laughed cruelly and left us there alone, Shane's face swelling, my face burning.

"Oh my God. Oh. My. God. Shane! Are you okay?" I began to cry, so, so confused. I couldn't seem to comprehend what had just happened. Shane just looked at me while his face ballooned, his eyes apologetic.

"Mitchie..." he hesitated. "I'm sorry you had to see that... My dad... He likes alcohol. A lot." His tone was so heart-wrenching, I couldn't help but lean my head on his shoulder.

After a few minutes, I looked up and into his eyes. A sudden current ran between us, an understanding. This secret would bind us to each other forever. I began to think, and almost fainted. Just three days ago, I was shy, quiet Mitchie, with only a few friends. Now, here I was, sitting in Shane's bedroom, crying next to him. Our roles were reversed, he was the one comforting me, kissing my hair. Tears stung my eyes, but I was able to speak again.

"Shane..." The words were choking up my throat, forcing their way out. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Huh?" he asked. I must have spoken too fast. I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." A breathtaking smile lit up his blown up face.

"Ow," he muttered. Clearing his throat, he answered. "No one has ever cared before." I gasped, and then grinned. We wrapped our arms around each other, and he kissed my head again. It was all going so fast, but I wished it would just go faster. I wished we could grow up already, and get out of there, away from his abusive father. Around 10:30, I got up and hugged Shane good bye. The car ride home was tedious, and my mind was elsewhere. I pulled up to my house. The lights were still on, so I wasn't in trouble. I trudged inside, pondering what had happened at Shane's.

"Hi, honey," my mom smiled. "How was your friends' house?" Horrible. Awful. Horrifying, I wanted to say.

Instead, I said, "Fun. We watched Sleep over."

"Great," she said absentmindedly. "Why don't you go on up to bed?"

"Okay," I replied easily. I was exhausted. When I was tightly tucked into my warm blankets, I let myself sob. I had just gotten into the scariest, hugest ordeal of my entire life. But before I could get too brain-twisted in thought, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

In the morning, I woke with a start. My phone was vibrating by my bed. I lifted it up, and groggily checked the screen. It said that I had one unread text message. I opened it, and the sender read "Shane". My hands shook as I glanced again at the screen.

'Mitchie, let's hang out again. We can go out to eat or something. Want to?' It was short, not even mentioning last night's disturbing events. My fingers were unsteady as I typed back. 'Yeah. Where to?' I fell back against my pillow. A moment later, my phone buzzed. I quickly checked the text.

It said,' McDonalds okay? Or are you one of those girls who doesn't even eat?' I almost laughed at that. Of course I ate, I was like a pig!

'Nah, that's cool. How about you pick me up at six? :)'

His reply was at super speed. 'Yep. See you then.' I sighed and smiled. I was really, truly in love with Shane. This wasn't a dream. After laying in bed for half an hour, I got up, and walked downstairs.

"Morning, sweetie," my mom trilled. "Sleep well?" Usually, the answer was no, but last night, I slept like a baby. Wait, that didn't make sense. Babies never slept well at all! Oh well. People say it all the time, it must- "Mitchie? You in there?" she interrupted my trance.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I slept great, actually. Did you?" I tried to make conversation.

"Yes... Are you doing anything today? The Smith's wanted you to babysit from 2:30 until 4:30. Is that all right?" No! I had my date tonight.

"But mom, I have to- Ugh. Never mind. Tell them I said sure." That was cutting it a little close to my Shane time, but I needed the money.

As I sat down at the table, memories of the night before flooded back to me. I felt tears sting my eyes again, but I held them back. For my mother. How could I reel her into this hard, cold situation, when she seemed so small and fragile? There was no way.

Gulping, I asked for some cereal. My mother gave me a peculiar stare, and then grabbed the Coco Puffs. She set the box in front of me, along with a carton of milk. "Honey," she said slowly. "There is something... different about you today. What really happened last night?" I had completely forgotten how perceptive she was. Until now, I had never kept a secret from her.

This would be hard. "N-nothing. I just... Had a nightmare. Sorry." I attempted to smile happily, but the reminder of Shane's dad still weighed down on me, so it came out like a contorted grin.

"Okay..." she agreed reluctantly.

"So," I said, changing the subject. "Dad call today?" She looked at me sadly.

"No, I'm sorry. He's just been so busy... You know." My dad was a Navy Seal, away at war.

"Right. So. Um... I'm gonna head out." Her face lit up.

"Already? That makes me so sad. Bye!" My mom liked having the house to her self these days. I rolled my eyes, and ran outside. I had no clue where I was going. Then, it hit me like a bus traveling at top speed. Shane. I had to check on him! What if his dad hat hurt him even worse? I sprinted down the street. When I reached Shane's house, I was all too aware of the dreary surroundings. I never noticed before, but now that Shane's secret was revealed to me, his house was kind of creepy.

Preparing myself, I knocked on the door. Shane threw it open, and grinned delightedly. "Hey!" he said sweetly.

"Hi," I smiled.

"Come on in! I wasn't expecting you-" I cut him off. "Is your dad here?" His face fell a bit, but he quickly composed himself. "Er, No, he's at work." This was all I needed to hear, so I skipped inside.

"What to do today?" I asked. My cheeks were warm. Why was I blushing? Was it maybe, just maybe, because I kind of wanted to kiss him?

"Let's just.. hang out in my room, I guess." He was blushing, too. Did he want to kiss me also?

"Okay." We made our way down the hall. Before I could reach out and open the door, he dashed in front of me and swooped me up. "Really, Shane? A threshold?" I giggled.

"Yep. All part of my job description," he mumbled. Shane turned out to be a much sweeter, romantic guy than I would have ever imagined. It was all so crazy. Suddenly, a sinking feeling grew in my stomach. Was I really in love? Or was I just like every other infatuated teenager since the dawn of time?

Well, if I could still feel like this, then infatuation wasn't that bad. I decided that it was just a crush. For now.

We had entered the room, and Shane set me on my feet. His deep black hair fell over his eyes again, and he grinned. I walked over to his bed and plopped down. He sat next to me, and we were silent.

I cleared my throat. "Do you wanna... Watch a movie? We didn't really get to it last night..." Shane quickly jumped up and grabbed his stack of DVDs.

We finally decided on The Notebook, even though he preferred blood and suspense. The opening scene faded in, but I couldn't keep my eyes on the screen. This was because Shane looked especially cute in his khakis and a black t-shirt that matched his hair. He noticed me staring, and laughed. The Notebook was going to its' first kissing scene, and I blushed again.

Shane seemed to scoot closer to me. He put his arm around me shoulders, and I leaned into his side. I twisted my body around and turned my head towards his, only to find that his face was much closer than I expected. I could smell his minty breath. My eyes were glued to his, and I almost forgot to breath.

Then, Shane inched down to me, and pressed his soft lips against mine. Every thought that ran through my head was lost in a swarm of ecstasy. He wrapped his arms around me and we both pulled away. His face was flushed with adrenaline. "Wow," was all I could say. Shane laughed, and we both turned back to the movie. The kiss was so sweet. I kept replaying it in my head, over and over. After the movie, I looked around his room.

A tan guitar was propped against the wall. I got up and walked over to it. "Do you play?" he asked.

I answered, "Yeah, ever since I was six. Ten years." I picked up the guitar, and began to strum the cords. For the rest of the afternoon, we played guitar and talked about random things. I was lying on his bed while he played when my phone buzzed loudly. "Ugh," I groaned. Clutching my phone, I pressed 'talk'. "What?" I snarled into the phone.

"Mitchie," my mother squawked. "You were supposed to babysit at 2:30! Where are you?" Oh, crap!

"I'm sorry, mom! I got wrapped up here and... I just lost track of time!" A loud sigh was heaved on the other end.

"Well, it's too late now. Don't do it again! Just come home, okay? I miss you." I guessed my great afternoon was ending.

"Sorry, Shane, but I gotta go now. I'll see you later," I grumbled. I got up and grabbed my bag, turning back one last time to smile at Shane.

"Bye," he grinned. I rushed out of the house and down the street, back to my home.

As I walked in the door, my mom called out to me. "Mitchie! Guess who called?" My eyes popped open wide.

"Who? Dad?!"

"Yes!" she replied. "He's on the phone now! Come on!" I raced over to her and yanked up the phone.

"Dad?" I asked breathlessly.

"Hey hun!" I could hear the smile in his voice. We were always so close, it was so hard to be away.

"How are you? What have you been up to? Killed anyone?" Questions poured out of me like a thick rain cloud poured down raindrops.

"Whoa, slow down! No, I haven't killed anyone, I'm great, now that I'm talking to you, and I have been very busy with my last semester of training. How about you?"

"Oh, I've been... Okay. I haven't killed anyone.. yet! And I kind of met someone.. A boy..."

"A boy?" he asked, feigning shock. "Now, who would ever like you? No one wants a beautiful, funny, sweet girl like you!" I giggled, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. I miss you, Dad."

"I miss you too, sweetheart. I'll be back soon. I really love you, honey." He choked up a little bit at the end. A lone tear rolled down my cheek, the light mood quickly diminished quickly.

"Bye, Dad. I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you too, Mitchie. Good bye." I set down the phone and let myself cry for a minute. My mom walked back in.

"Hey sweetie, good call?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Great."

"That's good."

"Mhm... I'm gonna go upstairs, okay?" Before she could protest, I ran upstairs and slammed my door. I snatched up my gleaming guitar and started playing some old songs I knew. Eventually, I fell asleep with my guitar on my chest.

Light was streaming through my window, and I woke up to my mother screaming my name. "What? What?" I asked, still half asleep. Jogging downstairs, I heard a knock on the door.

"MITCHIE!" my mom shouted.

"I'm here! Sheesh!" She opened the door, and there stood Shane, smiling from ear to ear.

"Hey!" he coughed.

"Mitchie...?" mom asked.

"Oh, sorry, Mom. This is Shane," I said, gesturing to him. "Shane, this is my mom."

"Hi, Mrs. Torres," Shane said politely. My mom just turned on her heel and walked away.

"Sorry, she doesn't really like new people...."

"No, no, it's fine. I was thinking we could go for a drive?"

"Sure," I agreed. We went over to his car and got in. We drove around for a while, and then stopped at this old, abandoned parking lot.

He started talking, and I cracked up. He was officially hilarious! Everything he said was also so insightful, so much depth to every word.

Then we got into more depressing topics, and I cried a lot. It was mostly about his dad. After all of the emotions were drained, we just sat in silence. He pulled something out of his pocket, along with a lighter. "What's that?" I asked quizzically.

"Oh," He said sheepishly. "It's just something I do... to lessen the pain. Both physical and emotional."

I gasped. "You do drugs? But.. but..." I spluttered. No! Shane was perfect! He couldn't do drugs!

"Well, yeah..." Chagrin washed over his face. I noticed a new bruise, swelled by his temple.

"Shane!" I cried. He was silent. I just kept on crying. Not my Shane. It was a few minutes later that he exploded.

"You know what, Mitchie? I don't give a damn what you think! I need this! Not even you can stop me! GOD! Just SHUT UP!" I shrank back in my seat as he ranted. The tears came faster and faster. Then, he did the most unexpected thing of all. He raised his hand as if to slap me. My eyes widened, and I froze.

As Shane stared at me, realization hit of what he was about to do. He brought his arm back to his lap, and started to cry, too. "Mitchie, Mitchie, Mitchie..." he sobbed."I'm so sorry... But... you can't take this away from me. It's all I have!" This hurt.

"You have me," I whispered. He didn't answer. The car was idle for about an hour, but then we began the drive home. I was shaking with overwhelming emotion the whole way. When we reached my house, I got out without speaking.

His expression was apologetic and solemn. Biting my tender lip, I went inside, and before my mom could stop me, I ran upstairs. My guitar still lay on my messy bed. I got it and sat down. Lyrics poured out of me, straight from my soul. Now I truly knew I was in love. A twisted, messed up love, but still love. I cried while I wrote, strummed, and sang. I finished the song hours after I started, but it was worth it.

All of my tears we gone, but my chest still heaved. I stayed in my room all day, not looking at my phone at all. I fell asleep again, not waking up until the next day at 3:00 PM. Sirens wailed outside. I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. "Mom?" I called. "Mom? What's going on?"

"Mitchie? Come down here!" She met up with me at the bottom of the stairs, silently leading me outside. Someone was being led into an ambulance on a stretcher, his hair pulled to the side. I recognized the piercing blue eyes first. "Shane!" I screamed. "SHANE!"

"Shh, Mitchie, shh. He can't hear you."

"Oh no, no no," I cried. "What happened?" My mom frowned sadly.

"His mom found him in his room... lying on the floor. He was totally beaten up.... The police tested some hair on his body... Sweetie, it was his dad's." Of course, I knew this. Of course.

"Yes," was all I could say. Then I blacked out. Some odd hours later, I woke up. My head was fuzzy from medication. "Mom?" I looked around.

"I'm right here, honey," she said softly.

"Where's Shane? Is he okay?"

"Calm down, Mitchie. He's in another room, but he's not stable. You can go see him if you'd like."

"Okay," I replied. "But why am I in the hospital? I only fainted."

"Because, hun, I thought you would want to see Shane when you woke up, so I had them place you in a room."

"Oh. Can I see him now?" "Sure," Her eyes were grave. "But be aware, he doesn't look his best."

"Okay." We went into the room next to mine, and sure enough, there was Shane, beaten to a pulp. "Shane?" I rasped. His eyes fluttered open.

"Mitchie, Mitchie, I am so sorry."

I glanced meaningfully at my mom, and she backed out of the room. "My dad... He found out I left with you. And he saw the drugs." I just nodded.

"You will be okay, right?" He looked away. "The doctor says I have some internal bleeding, and some broken bones, too. All of my ribs are cracked." I gulped, tears burning my already watery eyes.

I began to shake uncontrollably. His eyes widen, and he pressed the "Nurse" button .A lady in white rushed in pulling me away from the room. "No! No, Shane!" The nurse got a tighter grip on arms, and thrust me into my own room.

I fell down on the bed, and fainted again. My mind was engulfed with haze. I didn't fight it. A cool hand was placed on my forehead, a while later. "Huh?" I mumbled. I looked up into my mom's eyes. They were filled with dread and sympathy. "Mom? What-" Oh no. No. NO! "Shane? Is he-" She nodded, desolate.

A gasp escaped my throat, and I sobbed. Sobbed for hours, days, weeks. I didn't keep track anymore. Time meant nothing, not without Shane. I was only aware that I was at home, nothing else registered. Maybe a week later, maybe a few days, my mom came up to my bedroom.

"Honey... Your father is here." Not even this would make me move. "Shane's funeral is today. He would've wanted you to be there." At the mention of his name, the name I had tried to push from my mind, I stood up.

"Fine. Okay. Can I sing? There's this song I wrote..."

"Yes, Mitchie. I think he would have loved it if you did that."

"All right."

On the way to the funeral, dressed in a black satin gown, I sobbed loudly. My dad sat in the front seat, desperate. He hated seeing me so sad. We finally arrived, and when everyone saw me, the bowed their heads.

His mother stopped me as I rose for my song. "Mitchie... Hi father is locked away for good, I promise. And... He really loved you, Mitchie. I saw the way he looked at you." I choked on another sob, and kept on moving. I had to, for Shane. I stood at the podium, crying.

"This is a song I wrote for Shane. I was in love with him." Without another word, I picked up my guitar, and strummed the familiar cords. A strong voice flew from my lips.

He drowns in his dreams

An exquisite extreme I know

He's as damned as he seems

And more heaven than a heart could hold

And if I try to save him

My whole world could cave in

It just ain't right

It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth

As strong as what I believe

A tragedy with

More damage than a soul should see

And do I try to change him?

So hard not to blame him

Hold on tight

Hold on tight

Oh 'cause I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical

But he's only happy hysterical

I'm waiting for some kind of miracle

Waited so long

So long

He's soft to the touch

But frayed at the end he breaks

He's never enough

And still he's more than I can take

Oh 'cause I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster.

My heart broke in two, and I knew that I would love him forever.

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